The Plan So I picked up this gorgeous 2017 340i in dark mineral gray. Previous owner was meticulous with maintenance, car came with some tasteful mods - carbon fiber accents, upgraded heat exchanger. I’m thinking: clean PPI, maybe some minor catch-up maintenance, then straight into the fun stuff. British Racing Green wrap with bronze stripes, bronze wheels, gentleman racer vibes. Track-ready street car. HPDE hero. This is gonna be chef’s kiss. The Reality PPI comes back looking like a CVS receipt. Front left shock is leaking. Front RIGHT shock is the WRONG SHOCK with the EDC sensors just… tucked under the airbox? Entire exhaust has been cut and rewelded at some point. Tank vent valve throwing codes. Battery dying. Diff getting noisy. Driveshaft flex joint cracking. Thrust arm bushings look like beef jerky. There’s duct tape on the PCV cap “for some reason.” Oh, and I got rear-ended four weeks after buying it, so now I’m daily driving a Mitsubishi Mirage while I wait on a custom carbon fiber diffuser and juggle quotes for coilover installs that somehow cost more than the coilovers themselves. But hey, the DME’s unlocked and it’s got MHD Stage 2, so at least there’s that. Meet Jen. She’s gonna be great. Eventually. Maybe. Send help.
Had the car four weeks when somebody decided to drive into the back of her. …
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